Sometimes it’s hard to admit when we have problems. I feel like there are moments that we have been conditioned not to make public, because maybe that makes us weak, unstable, or soft. However, we all have things that we fight with, our own demons that jump in. Since this year has been a roller coaster of events for me I decided to write down a list of things that I’ve struggled with this year. Some of them are big struggles and some of them are kind of minuscule but nonetheless there issues or things that of come up that are hard for me. And what better way than to broadcast all of my issues to the internet! You guys after all are the best listeners!
There is a reason that grief is number one. With three of the closest people to me passing this year, it has been hard to process it. I still don’t know how others are even functioning with it. Sure I cry every once in a while, but I haven’t processed what I’m feeling. The anger, the guilt, and even in the good times it’s hard to process happiness. Most of the time I put a wall up and try to keep it together. Most people don’t get to see me cry, scream, or panic because for most I need to be strong. That in itself is a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
An Introvert with social anxiety….. quite original right? But here it is! Going out and doing things has become harder this year. There were quite a few ups and downs this year. Whether it was hanging out with a single friend or two, or even a group. Mixed with grief, I had a hard time expressing my feelings. There were quite a few times where I had the opportunity to go out with some new people, and I let my anxiety keep me from doing so. It’s hard for me to tell people how I feel, and that is getting in the way of some great things.
Ghosting has always been a crazy concept to me but, I have been enacting in the art a lot lately. Whether it is friends or colleagues, I have been ignoring my phone like Cra-ZY! It’s not just my phone either, facebook email and any type of messaging. I have been ignoring everything and not getting back to people. I will call back if people leave me a voicemail…. so am I really ghosting or going back to old school methods.
This has always been a struggle for me, but lately I have noticed that it is hard for me to speak up. Both for myself and for others. This year I think it was mostly for me though, I didn’t speak up enough at work, and a lot of the time I end up being to nice to people that I definitely shouldn’t. Speaking up and expressing myself is definitely something I need to work on this year.
My biggest weakness in the worst way! I swear I spent more time at work the last 3 months than I did at home. Sitting in a Starbucks now, just peacefully drinking my coffee, I see that I was managing my time in the wrong places. I haven’t spent enough time at home with my family, or on vacation away from all of this. I spent my time worrying about the wrong things, and not living life.
I was burnt out at work, burnt at home. Guys there was about 3 weeks where I didn’t do laundry, not a single load….. which the fact that I still had clean clothes after that point is a problem for another time. I was so stressed and mentally done that I would go into work and do nothing, literally just stare at my computer all day doing nothing. Now that I don’t necessarily have to worry about it, I sit here and wonder what companies can do to help prevent this? It’s crazy that someone doesn’t step in and go hey how can we fix this and make it better? All in all I think that everyone who doesn’t give themselves some time, experiences this.
Now that we are getting into the new year, and one book of my life is closing, I cannot wait to experience what the rest of the world is like. I’m going to take a couple of weeks to reset, not only myself mentally but my surroundings and help my grandma reset into hers as well. There are still a few more posts coming, but man does it feel good to plan doing nothing lol.