I went to Disneyland by Myself, and it was still magical.

I've been to Disney Land before, twice actually. Once when I was a kid with my family and then a second time with an ex. Each time is different than the last, and each has their own set of memories. This time was no less magical than the last.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I went by myself. Now before you start to question anything, please know that this was an impromptu trip. Completely spur of the moment and I was going to spend my day doing something for me. I had just come off of a week at work where I struggled, but it wasn't the worst. I was going through a tough time I had planned on driving back home that Saturday, but it wanted to at least make it to the beach first. That's when I sent the text to a couple of my closest friends and my mom. 

"Would I be crazy if I went to Disneyland by myself?" 

There was an overwhelming response of "HELL NO! GO GIRL, GO!" 

 

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We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
— Walt Disney

 

So I did! And it was a fantastic idea. I mean when is Disneyland not a good idea? But going by myself meant that I could go where I wanted, and go on the rides that I wanted. I watched as little princesses ran around, and as people lit up when they saw Mary Poppins. I walked over to California adventures and got actual alcohol, which WAS AWESOME! But I got to see Mike Wasowski and Flik. I went on the Monsters Inc Ride; where I really wanted to yell "23-19! we have a 23-19!" for the better part of the 45 minutes that I had to wait in line. I ate what I wanted, I drank what I wanted, and I bought what I wanted. 

All of this taught me something though. It taught me that sometimes, you have to do things you're scared of. Things that are awkward and may seem sad to others, things that make you happy. You have to do those things for you, not for them or anyone else. Going somewhere that big by myself was hard. Sure, I go to the movies by myself but this was different because my anxiety in crowds of people I don't know can be debilitating. I watched as people gave me a look when I jumped through the single riders line. I just had to decide that I didn't care. I needed a bit of happiness in my life and if riding the damn teacups by myself was how I did that, then DAMMIT I WAS RIDING IN A TEACUP. 

 
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You have to be brave, braver than you think you can be. Everyone needs those happy moments, I'm just glad I took the leap and did it. 

 
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Till next time folks!

Just like that, everything I knew changed.

August 1st 2016, My company had officially moved into a new office. For the first time, it was our own office. We weren't stuffed into cubicles in someone else's office, risking that our mail would somehow end up with the wrong person. It was our own space that we could decorate and do with as we pleased. It was exciting, and I cherished every moment. 

We worked on folding tables and card tables for 3 days before we got desks. I remember walking into my bosses office, him sitting at his little card table typing away at an email and writing a list of things for me to get for the office. The cords to his computer, phone, and printer were in an utter state of chaos. He had things marked out on where he wanted them, and he had picked out the perfect spot for the recliners he was going to bring in. I had my folding table that I used for scrapbooking, so I had glitter and paint all over the top of it. We were ready for this new adventure. 

I bought a Christmas tree for the office, we hung up banners with our logo, and we showed it off as much as we could. It was home, a place that I wanted to drive 33 miles one way to every day. 

Then March 2nd happened. 

August 1st, 2018, just 2 years later I was watching as they packed up my world. They packed up my home and shipped it to California, to an office I was not going to.

No one in my company realizes how that affects me, no one in my life knows. They all assumed that it was hard and that it sucked, but they can't understand how much of an understatement that is. I called this place my home because I spent almost 60% of my week there. I had a homemade bench set up and dog beds in my office. I had my own artwork on the walls, and I got to see people I cared about almost every day. I didn't like being at my own house as much as I did that office. I made incredible friends, no matter how much I complained about them sometimes. 

So when everything you know is ripped away from you, and you have to downsize into an office that is smaller than your old bathroom, it fucking sucks. I actually think this office is smaller than the bathroom at my house. Maybe not as small as my guest bath though.

 
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I took a minute though, to watch as everything was packed away. I took in all the good memories, and as I put stuff aside and sat on the floor, I recalled all of the good memories of us moving in. I asked whatever powers were there for strength in everything that I was going to be faced with. I told my boss, or maybe just the voices in my head, that I was going to do my best in the new environment I had moved to. And then I had to kill the spiders because the giant packers and driver were scared of them. It was a first, me having to kill a spider because I was the bravest one in the room. 

When it was all said and done, I locked the doors, got in the car and went to California to see the new office. It's not the same, but I think my boss is still smiling down up there, and telling me to get back to work and bitching about how dirty the warehouse is. I have no plans to move down there, but I am glad that the company is growing. Hopefully my new digs grow on me some more, and I know that the people will.